...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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