I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
