Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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