Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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