Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
