Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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