remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
