And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
