Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
