well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Randomize
