Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize