Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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