I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize