my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
