Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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