he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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