i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
