Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
