you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
