You made me cry and you don't even care
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
