you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
...so i touched it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
