She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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