so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
