Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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