Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize