I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
