I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize