I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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