I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
