you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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