Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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