I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
