i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
