So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
