I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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