we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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