Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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