If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
