so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
