you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
