I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
