why didn't you poke me back
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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