just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
