I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
