So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
