yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
