Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
