K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
