The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize