i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
