he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
