It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
