Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
