Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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