The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think my fart just growled at me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
