Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
