Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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