I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
