He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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