Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
