And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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