on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
