I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
