i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
