What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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