my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You were trust falling into bushes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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