i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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