i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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