My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
