I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
