Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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