One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize